


You never told me what it was that made you strong and what it was that made you weak

by adjectively (NarcissusPhinea)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Emetophilia, F/F, Lesbian Sex, Smut, Strap-Ons, Unbeta'ed, Unhealthy Relationships, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 16:44:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17491577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarcissusPhinea/pseuds/adjectively
Summary: A look into a good day and a bad day.Triggers listed at the bottom notes.





	You never told me what it was that made you strong and what it was that made you weak

I stare. I think she's my favorite person in the world. She's especially radiant today with her her long black hair up in a bun.  
  
"Tell me how you did, Bunny."   
  
"I- I only ate 300 today!" I say. It was a good day and I was able to hold out well.  
  
"That's so good, baby, I think I need to reward you. What do you think?" she asks.  
  
"Yes!" I squeak.  
  
"I can't wait to inspect you, little girl. I'm gonna check your stomach and make sure you're not lying to me," she chuckles. "Okay, now go to the bathroom."  
  
I scamper off to the toilet. I know I'm eager to please, at least for her.   
  
I don't shit anything, just feel the warmth of a lot of urine coming out. When I finish wiping and stand up I feel lighter and emptier. I wash my hands and run out.   
  
"Ready!"   
  
We're in her bedroom now. It's all decked in red and smells like velvet. I stand at the corner in front of the scale and wait for her cue.  
  
She nods at me and I step on.  
  
116.4 pounds.  
  
That is one ounce less than yesterday at this exact time. It's a small difference, but I've been plateauing for a while so even this means something to me.  
  
"That's so good, Bunny. I can see you've been a good girl. Come and hop up on the bed, okay?"  
  
I follow her command, laying on my back in front of her. She can see all of me, and this never stops being an experience that takes my breath away. I see that light in her eyes on the days I've done well, and even when I haven't, she just looks at me and tells me I can still fix it. I love that she never gives up on me, not even when I do.  
  
I feel her finger go inside of me. It's dry, but I'm not, so it slides in easily.  
  
"O-Oh!" I whimper.   
  
She shushes me and continues. She puts in two fingers, and I'm really feeling it now. Then is three and that's all there is.  
  
"Is Bunny ready?"   
  
"Yes, yes, please, I'm ready," I beg.  
  
I see her remove her pants in a flash and then do up the buttons on her harness. The strap-on she uses is always neon pink.  
  
I feel her rub at my entrance and finally press in. Her hand is caressing the spot just above my pubic bone where she swears she can feel the bulge. I don't think she can, but it always makes me feel good to think that I'm really getting that small, to be able to feel the difference.  
  
Both her hands squeeze at my waist and I think to myself, one day there will be no space in between her fingers.  
  
She fucks me like I'm getting bred, and it almost makes me cry to think about my belly getting large and round with a baby inside, ruining my body. She would spank me every day to motivate me to lose the weight, and of course it wouldn't work because it wouldn't be my fault this time, it's an alien growing in me. But it still makes me hot because something about the futility and her frustration with my failure makes me lose it and I'm writhing under her, feeling her thrust in and out of my sex. I look into her eyes as I climax.  
  
I feel the dildo pull out of my kitty with a wet sound and I feel boneless and content after this admittedly short time in her bed.  
  
"I love you," I mumble.  
  
"I know," she says.   
  
We cuddle together and I absorb her warmth. She looks so perfect and thin. I can't wait till I'm as small as she is.

 

  
  
Today has been a bad day. I binged on things that I shouldn't have even had, things like oreos and soda and too much ice cream. It never would have been in my cupboards because she keeps the pantry clean. I went out and got it myself. My shame is unending.  
  
I pull out my phone and call her. "H-Help. I messed up bad."  
  
I hear her sigh. "I'm coming, baby. It's gonna be alright soon."  
  
I curl up on the recliner, tears flowing readily. The food is sitting wrong inside me and I want it out, out, out, but I have to wait.   
  
It's visceral relief when I hear the door open a few minutes later. I sniffle loudly.   
  
"Oh, baby," she says, putting her hand on ny shoulder. "Come on."   
  
I let her lead me to the bathroom, and she does the honors of taking my shirt off and pulling my hair up.   
  
She manipulates me to be bowing ninety degrees over the toilet and I wrinkle my nose.  
  
There is a small pause before she starts to put her hand in my mouth. I feel sour saliva instinctively fill my mouth and drip into the porcelain bowl, and her fingers are unceremoniously tickling the back of my throat. Her middle fingers hits behind my uvula and it hurts. My eyes water even more.  
  
I hold my stomach as a mix of sweetish sludge comes up. There are little chunks of oreo cookie in all of it. It flows out and splashes me just a little.   
  
We stand there for about three minutes, and her hand occasionally returns to my mouth. I feel her other arm moving as she masturbates above me. Finally the stream ends and it's just my stomach jerking around painfully.  
  
She rubs my back with one hand as her breathing picks up. "Oh, baby, you're so perfect, fuck!"   
  
"I'm sorry I messed up," I sob.  
  
"I know, Bunny, I know. It's okay. Let's go into the bedroom. Your punishment can wait till tomorrow, let's just rest right now."  


**Author's Note:**

> Triggers:   
> Calorie counting (just one line), explicitly stated weight, vomiting, binging (off screen but still present), abusive relationships--other character encourages narrator to continue unhealthy eating, a sex scene + talk of masturbation.
> 
> I wrote this to be a weird look into what it feels like to have an eating disorder; like your eating disorder is the nameless woman in this story. You want her approval, and in some ways she makes you feel good. That's not to say that it's nice having an eating disorder. It's not. But yeah.
> 
> If you ever have bad thoughts about your body or have disordered eating, please seek help. You deserve better.


End file.
